"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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