when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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