to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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