the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
