the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
