i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I could make wine with my vomit
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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