Nicole vs. Life
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
