So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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