My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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