So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I enjoy the company of your penis
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