i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he was CRYING into my vagina
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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