I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
