She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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