Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
