True but thats because hes a fetus.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
