new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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