ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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