i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
