That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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