I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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