it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
