I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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