His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
