I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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