so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
