so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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