he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
