are you still at the devil's house?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
