onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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