He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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