I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
