I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
