they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
