Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
