Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
