you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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