Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
