No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
