no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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