There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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