i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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