Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
