Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
