He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
