make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
