found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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