I got her a Nickelback box set.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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