I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
