It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
