She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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